Today my parents ashes were interred together in the cemetery around the corner from my house. When I lost my Dad three years ago, Mum asked me to write something to read out at the funeral. I was happy to do the same for her a few weeks ago. As a record for future descendants and as a tribute to my Mum and Dad, I’m happy to share my eulogies with any one who reads them.
To Harold & Sylvia, Lal & Fluff, Mother & Dad. My parents whom I loved and love.
Dad
If you’ve ever been to IKEA and picked up one of their catalogues, you’ll have seen the vast array of wooden furniture, toys and handy items available to buy and make your home look like a 1000 other homes. I’ve never needed to use IKEA for wooden products however, because I – like many in this room had access to a unique joinery service which I simply call Dad.
Dad – were no challenge is too big or too small – Here are just a few of Dad’s products from over the years:- Card Tables, Rabbit Hutches, dove coats, Split level Mouse House with activity ramp, picnic benches, cupboards, display shelves – remember those two squares that fitted together to create space for nik naks and ornaments. model car display cases, stair wells for scale models of Paull Lighthouse, steps, stools, mantle pieces, storage units, inbuilt speakers, fences and gates with protection on top so next doors dog doesn’t get his paws stuck, dolls houses, forts, garages, daggers, spears and guns, pencil boxes. Action man Barrack rooms painted to match the owners bed room. Wardrobes, exhibition stands and milk bottle boxes, house names, house numbers, bowls, plates, timers, vases and acorns. All hand finished and varnished with delivery for the price of a strong cup of sweet tea in a mug.
Unlike IKEA who offer a costly delivery service, and a guaranteed missing screw Dad also provided the following additional services :-
Push bike puncture repair. Once over, inspection and potential repair of toys when left in Dads drawer in the kitchen. moped puncture repair. free transportation of doc marten clad Goths around teenage parties in east riding villages, access to a range of any size fixture, fitting, nut or bolt you need – or imaginative alternatives! use of vans and trailers to collect Motorcycles with and without sidecars, which have somehow managed to become detached from the rider. Motorcycle puncture repair! provision of Action Men and Star Wars Toys from At Cost as an alternative to Hull Fair if desired! a holiday every summer, joyous Christmases (including pint with Granddad on Christmas eve), military standard boot polishes , full body chemical cleansing after becoming covered in paint whilst painting relatives ceilings, fantastic chips, potato patties and battered potato scallops.
Dad’s products like IKEAS are made from wood, glue, screws and nails. But have the added components of care, pride and love. If you have a Dad Product, or one from his other companies:- Grandad Harold, Uncle Lal or Lal, then treasure it, because it’s strong, dependable and full of love – just like him.
Mum
Advice from a perpetual 17 year old by Sylvia Hampel
One of the things mums do is give advice, my mum did. It wasn’t always the right advice, or the advice you wanted to hear, but it was advice – little sentences and nuggets of knowledge that you could store away in your mind, because you knew they’d come in one day. Mum’s advice always ended with a smile or a cuddle*. I know she didn’t just advise me, but also my brothers. I also know daughter in laws, grandchildren, brothers, sisters, nieces, nephews and friends all valued her words that were always given with thought, care and love.
Now, it would be very wrong of me to stand here and speak my own words and thoughts, when I can give: Mum, Mam, Mother, Auntie Fluff, Grandma, Sylv, sylvia one last opportunity to tell you all something. I’m going to share with you three sentences she spoke to me, not as advice – just in conversation. Three sentences. Her words, her wisdom from her to us.
When mum retired, she said to me. “I don’t feel old enough to retire. In my head I’m still 17”
She never wanted to say she was old or had to behave like an old person just because her physical age dictated it. On retiring she took up Yoga, Tap and line dancing and overcame a long time fear of water and learnt to swim. She got a passport and her and my Dad started to travel abroad with other family members to Bruges, Amsterdam and Germany. In my eyes from then on I always saw and thought of her as an excited 17 year old. Advice – “ Always experience and discover new things, You’re as old as your head says you are”
I mentioned mum’s trips with Dad. He was also lively and busy to the last. When he passed away mum said to me “He didn’t want to be an old man, and he was rapidly becoming an old man”
Recently Mum had been rapidly becoming an old lady, and she definitely didn’t want to be an old lady. Don’t dare offer her a walking stick. She was “ with It” – Mum kept up to date and forward thinking to the last. She loved her tablet, her laptop, her smart phone, digital camera, UK Gold and catch up TV. She played word game apps, she sent friendly emails and very amusing texts. She watched the news every day and always knew what was going on in politics home and abroad, entertainment and music. Advice – “Always move forward, no point in being left behind. Be with it, embrace and enjoy life”
And. Just a few weeks ago I was sat with mum*, she took my hand looked me in the eyes and said “We’ve had a good life together. lots of happy memories”
She said together. Us, all of us, together. For me my memories of life growing up: there was always a hot home cooked dinner and tea, there was always a pudding, there were always star wars figures at Christmas and holidays at the seaside every summer. There were days out, Hot Bread Cakes, spotting rabbits on Hedon Road from the car, pattie and chips on a Saturday night after dancing, a weekly delivery of Alpine pop in glass bottles in the flavours you wanted, sweets after tea and a bag of crisps for supper in the flavour you loved, a copy of the Beano every week, which Mum was still buying me well into my 20’s. A Doctor Who scarf, Clangers and Dalek jumpers were all knitting projects she saw as a challenge from which she would not be defeated, Clothes were clean and neat, jeans were patched, taken up or let down depending on growth, socks were darned and you never ever had a bought cake on your birthday. Those are just my happy memories. Advice – “Please, please remember your happy times, because as she said. They made her happy”
For the last few weeks I’ve been looking at a basket of unfinished knitting in the living room. I’ve been thinking it’s one of the saddest things I’ve ever seen, that she’ll never finish it. But I’m wrong. It isn’t a sad image. It’s a happy one. One last bit of advice. They say when people know their time is up they put their affairs in order. But let me tell you the amount of note books, diaries, columns of numbers, neat cupboards and folded ironing. My mums affairs were very much in order. Always. She told me not so long back she thought she might have OC/DC. This efficiency meant time to indulge in more pleasant tasks – there was deadheading to be done, cakes to bake, meals out to eat, music to listen to, birds and mice in the garden to feed (make sure you wet the bread first though), dances to dance, “Put BBC on, Look North’ll be on in a minute and there’s e mails and letters from family to read and reply to”
Unfinished knitting meant there was always something on the go. One last bit of advice “Always have a project on the go and keep yourself busy”
Mum never gave up and had no intention of giving up. She battled to the last, and made sure she still had plenty to do. No end, no full stop and no defeat. This was not a battle lost, this was a life won.
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